Safety Skeptic Gifts

'No, we will not be starting with a safety brief today.'

Acme Discount Life Vests

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

Warning: this is a safe area.

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'

Rules and procedure

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

For sale trampoline.

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

"It's all fixed. Just don't put more than two gallons in it."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Thanks so much for coming over for dinner, please put your coats, belts, boots and any liquids in the tray and then step through the scanner."

"We haven't covered it yet in your training, but you're supposed to use that to detect metal."

"Yeah, yeah, I see him out there flailing around. But, that's the damn ocean bro..."

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

"Over my dead body...!"

"Where are the fire exits?"

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

'This has been a test. If this had been an actual emergency - you'd be dead.'

Teddy Tree! Get back here and put on your helmet!! Chill, mom. I'm born to be wil-ild! Look! Another organ donor!

Here's a list of side effects for the drug, and here's a list of side effects for the water.

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

UK border controls relaxed.

Man using to much bug spray

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Baby on board.

On the brink.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'