Safety Skeptic Gifts

Acme Discount Life Vests

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

Warning: this is a safe area.

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'

Rules and procedure

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

For sale trampoline.

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

"It's all fixed. Just don't put more than two gallons in it."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Thanks so much for coming over for dinner, please put your coats, belts, boots and any liquids in the tray and then step through the scanner."

"Yeah, yeah, I see him out there flailing around. But, that's the damn ocean bro..."

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

"Over my dead body...!"

"Where are the fire exits?"

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

'This has been a test. If this had been an actual emergency - you'd be dead.'

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

UK border controls relaxed.

Man using to much bug spray

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

On the brink.

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

Privacy Conference Security

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."