Safety Regulation Skeptic Gifts

"It's all 'Health and Safety' these days..."

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Safety Barriers

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

I threw my back out picking up the guidelines

Health and safety officer Hedley seconds before he became ex-health and safety officer...

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"Of course not everyone believes in all the health and safety rules....Jim here thinks it's all complete nonsense!"

Warning: this is a safe area.

Rules and procedure

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

The seemingly wanton destruction of private property corp.

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

Hell's first aid box...

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

'But in all fairness, Ms Frimley, the guillotine isn't intended as an interactive display.'

"Then we'll just mark it 'Do not shake before using'."

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

Acme Discount Life Vests

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'

CAUTION (sign tripped over)

"Yeah, yeah, I see him out there flailing around. But, that's the damn ocean bro..."