Safety Regulation Satirist Gifts

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

'Your accident can't be accepted as an industrial accident because you didn't wear your hard hat.'

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Safety Barriers

Fire door.

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

I threw my back out picking up the guidelines

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

Security at the Smaller Airports

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'I baked it especially for you.'

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

"Of course not everyone believes in all the health and safety rules....Jim here thinks it's all complete nonsense!"

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'