Safety Regulations Satirist Gifts

"....If you don't submit a full risk assessment, you're heading for a written warning from your line manager."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Safety Barriers

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

'I baked it especially for you.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Security at the Smaller Airports

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'

Job Safety - Lunch.

"This is a hard hat area."