Safety Satirist Gifts

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Grandmother in a wheelchair strapped to the back of a car.

'But, officer, I AM wearing a seat belt.'

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

Health & Safety Official Tester.

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Street signs say: 'Yield, Acquiesce, Succumb'

'Before we test this do you know how to fill out an accident report?'

Warning! The machinery at this plant is old & dangerous! Work here at risk of life and limb - OSHA: 'Sorry, but we only hire illiterates!'

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"It's perfectly safe ? I've switched to hands-free." (Driver steers with his feet while talking on mobile phone).

'No, no Mrs Watkins. Wrapping children in cotton wool flies in the face of all our health and safety guidelines. It's a terrible choke hazard.'

'His airbag must have over inlfated.'

-"Careful with that shotgun. It could go off!" -"Don't worry, I'm covering the trigger with my finger!"

In library

'Why am I wearing a helmet?...Why aren't you wearing one?!'

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

Fire door.

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'

'I'll just light my pipe before I find the gas leak.'

'Finnegan's hurt bad, sir -- a crate of warning labels fell on him!'

'In case of fire' box with a sausage on a stick inside.

'McWit, OSHA doesn't require you to wear a hardhat when building a scale model.'

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

'Well, it's a LITTLE frustrating...no one pays any attention to the fire drills!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Stewardess advising passengers to fix aeroplane with duct tape if any problems.

'If you can read this you're too close.'

STRIP *Community Care * Imaginative use of equipment

Security at the Smaller Airports

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Danger Wheelchair Driver.

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"All cartoons must now conform to Health and Safety regulations. . ."

Hellmets: Crash helmets in the form of Hell.