Safety Regulation Humorists Gifts

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

'I baked it especially for you.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Security at the Smaller Airports

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!