Safety Regulation Humorist Gifts

"We'll have to come back for that last one tomorrow buddy...it's an occupational health and safety issue!!"

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Health and safety officer Hedley seconds before he became ex-health and safety officer...

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Security at the Smaller Airports

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I baked it especially for you.'

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"