Regulation Humorist Gifts

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'There's nothing we can do, James. His license checks out, and you're well within the size limit.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

IRS Taxpayer Information. I'm sorry, sir, that loophole is reserved for people in the loop! (Published originally on February 1, 2013).

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75¢ weenie water disposal surcharge.'

ECJ: it's illegal to call tofu 'cheese'.

"I just want you to know that I take privacy very seriously."

"Maybe they're just to make newcomers feel at home."

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

Loopholes

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Safety Barriers

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'