Regulation Humorist Gifts

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'There's nothing we can do, James. His license checks out, and you're well within the size limit.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75¢ weenie water disposal surcharge.'

ECJ: it's illegal to call tofu 'cheese'.

"I just want you to know that I take privacy very seriously."

"Maybe they're just to make newcomers feel at home."

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Loopholes

Safety Barriers

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

Justice

Fairtale prosecutions.