Humor In Regulations Gifts

'The regulations don't allow half milk half water...but you're OK with 51%-49%.'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

Safety Barriers

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

Bureaucratic castle

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

"I think we're going to have to look at our recruitment algorithms again."

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

"I'd like to buy your subscription list to check for changes of address."

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

'It's another notice from the government - they say we need to add airbags.'

Fisherman: 'Did the DNR say anything about the size of your fish?' Other: 'Yeah. So long.'

Congress and the Four Day Week.

"Besides talking for too long after capturing the hero, what would you say is your greatest weakness?"

It's A Way We Have In The Army.

"Yes, we are accepting resumes. Just put yours in our resume pool."

'Get Hawkeye to check this.'

"I'm pleased to inform you that you have won our employee of the month award, Miss North. What evening will you be free this week?"

"You understand that we screen applicants pretty thoroughly."

"We don't disclose what we pay until you sign a contract committing to work for us for a year."

'Oh yes, you need specific credentials to be a town planner.'

'Are you here about the lifeguard job?'

'Sorry, I can't let you have a last cigarette. The firing squad don't like breathing in second hand smoke.'

'If you can hear this you have been abducted.'

'We're looking for a cashier. . . Yes, that's the one we're looking for.'