Regulation Comedian Gifts

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

Floor Wet When Slippery

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'You were doing the speed limit. I ofund that suspicious.'

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

No Smoking Building.

'It's another notice from the government - they say we need to add airbags.'

Lorry has signs saying 'No hand signals ... but I may empty my ash tray from time to time.'

Cloud 10.

'Sorry, I can't let you have a last cigarette. The firing squad don't like breathing in second hand smoke.'

'Have you noticed how the building inspector always arrives around lunch time?'

"Where are the fire exits?"

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

'That's a lie. I wasn't expelled - I resigned . . .'

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

"The codeine is ok and the phenobarbital is ok, but the FDA says no to the powdered bat's tooth."

'And this is Mr. Ferguson - He's from the Federal Department of Wedding Compliance.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'They call it 'evolution' - It's some kind of new compliance plan.'

"So, THAT'S what 'compliance' means!"

"We'll have to come back for that last one tomorrow buddy...it's an occupational health and safety issue!!"

'How sweet, they're playing 'Doctors and Nurses.''