Compliance Comedians Gifts

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'How sweet, they're playing 'Doctors and Nurses.''

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Minnesota Weather.

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

Conflicted Chief

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"Are you talking to me?"

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

Modern animal communication

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

Floor Wet When Slippery

'Your halo didn't slip. You've got ring around the collar.'

Wedding Coin Tosser

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

Snitching box.

'You were doing the speed limit. I ofund that suspicious.'