Compliance Clown Gifts

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

Snitching box.

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Shake it all about sign on desk

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

Brainstorm in progress.

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules