Company Clown Gifts

"Williams cannot work from home anymore. He's losing touch with the company culture."

Venetian Glass Co. Our stockholders are demanding a full accounting. They want transparency from us?!

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

How are you at decision making?

Shake it all about sign on desk

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Brainstorm in progress.

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

Scapegoat of the Year

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.