Corporate Clowning Gifts

"We don't think you're management material."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

How are you at decision making?

Shake it all about sign on desk

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''