Regulation Humor Gifts

'Who on EARTH writes a warning that this bag of nuts 'May contain nuts'?'

'Sorry, sir...The Health Department requires us to wear hair nets.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

Safety Barriers

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Baby's first words.

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

Bureaucratic castle

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"Guilty times infinity."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"He's my attorney, whatever happened to attorney-client privilege?"

A barrister with his first brief