Rule-maker Humorist Gifts

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'I understand he has a hard boiled management style.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

When PJ says no, that's the end of it!

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

"Sin tax? I love it."

"Are you wearing a sports bra?"

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

No Smoking Building.

Cloud 10.

'Wish I had taken the HIGH road!'

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

'Ronnie has never stopped at amber.'

'You're cheating on me? How can you be so heartless?!'

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

Man stealing a speed camera.

'I knew we shouldn't have parked here - they booted us!'

IRS Taxpayer Information. I'm sorry, sir, that loophole is reserved for people in the loop! (Published originally on February 1, 2013).

Ivanka's Latest

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

"If they want everyone to do 60, the should have set the speed limit at 30."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

ECJ: it's illegal to call tofu 'cheese'.

Traffic warden tied to a lamp post with double yellow lines.

"Please return to your local area immediately."

'That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75¢ weenie water disposal surcharge.'