Rule-bending Humorist Gifts

No Smoking Building.

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

New Belief Systems

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

"Is that my skirt?!!"

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

Genetically Modified Apples

"Are you wearing a sports bra?"

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

Cloud 10.

Witch Rowing Team

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

"We pay top dollar here at hell hole high."

'Just the one, thanks.'

'I knew we shouldn't have parked here - they booted us!'

'Throw yourself on the mercy of the court...'

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

'Ronnie has never stopped at amber.'

Man stealing a speed camera.