Rule-bending Humorist Pillows

No Smoking Building.

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

New Belief Systems

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

"Is that my skirt?!!"

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

Genetically Modified Apples

"Are you wearing a sports bra?"

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

Witch Rowing Team

Cloud 10.

'I knew we shouldn't have parked here - they booted us!'

Man stealing a speed camera.

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

'Throw yourself on the mercy of the court...'

'Ronnie has never stopped at amber.'

"We pay top dollar here at hell hole high."

'Just the one, thanks.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'