Rule-bender Extraordinaire Gifts

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Never shoot straight up.'

"I'm not fishing, I'm hunting."

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'