Humor In Health Regulations Gifts

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

"I don't leave home without it!"

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Doctor's poker.

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."