Humor In Rules Gifts

"Excuse me sir, no pets allowed!"

Safety Barriers

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

"Are you wearing a sports bra?"

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

Guest Houses.

No Smoking Building.

'...And that should cover all my rules for the class.'

'Your reason for non-attendance last time was, 'I'd seen too many courtroom dramas on telly and didn't fancy it'.'

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

IRS Taxpayer Information. I'm sorry, sir, that loophole is reserved for people in the loop! (Published originally on February 1, 2013).

'I knew we shouldn't have parked here - they booted us!'

'Now she's making me feel guilty. Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as passive-aggressive.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'I'll be representing myself, your Honor.'

'Sorry, sir...The Health Department requires us to wear hair nets.'

'The regulations don't allow half milk half water...but you're OK with 51%-49%.'

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

ECJ: it's illegal to call tofu 'cheese'.

'He's got a point.'

Absolutely No Explicit Licking of Stamps on these Premises.

'Your honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of the trauma caused when Don Imus once insulted him.'

"Can you handle things by yourself for a few weeks? I've been called for jury duty."

'That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75¢ weenie water disposal surcharge.'