Order In The Court Humor Gifts

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

A baby in court

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'I'd better start on your appeal.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your Honour, I think I've got something that will satisfy you and the jury.'

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

About That Lifetime Appointment Thing

I have to wear these because I saw my eye doctor this morning. What's your excuse? Excuse? I've got the best excuse in the world: I dig Roy Orbison!

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

'Your Honor, I'm sure you'll agree that imposing bail in this case is wholly unnecessary, given that my client poses no flight risk.'

"This jury finds the accused not guilty provided he tells us where he has hidden the money."

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

Babies look so innocent. The trick is finding a really cranky jury.

attorney at law

"I really appreciate being named lead prosecutor on the Dog vs Cat case."

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

"You declared him to be a hostile witness, your honor."

'As to my clients guilt... let me be perfectly vague.'