Humor In Justice Gifts

"You lucked out -- the grand jury doesn't want to get involved"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Antonin Scalia

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'Your Honour, I think I've got something that will satisfy you and the jury.'

A Judicial Error. (Judge has hit his thumb with his gavel.)

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

'Oh, boy!'

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

A Good, But Not A Supreme Court

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

'Now she's making me feel guilty. Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as passive-aggressive.'

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

'Did you, or did you not, say to the plaintiff,'I'm going to stooky you into next week, you wee bam'?'

No, I'm not asking you to declare the witness hostile, you honor. Can you just declare him

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

Juvenile Court

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'I was doing fine in court... and then they had to get 'legal' on me.'