Humor In Justice Gifts

"You lucked out -- the grand jury doesn't want to get involved"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Antonin Scalia

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'Your Honour, I think I've got something that will satisfy you and the jury.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

'Oh, boy!'

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

A Good, But Not A Supreme Court

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

'Now she's making me feel guilty. Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as passive-aggressive.'

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

'Did you, or did you not, say to the plaintiff,'I'm going to stooky you into next week, you wee bam'?'

Juvenile Court

Life Imprisonment

'I was doing fine in court... and then they had to get 'legal' on me.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'

'You claim deprivation led to this crime?!' 'I was deprived of a dvd player.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'