Car Safety Satirist Gifts

"Ma'am, it's your husband. There's been an auto accident."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

CLEAR!

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

Volkswagen Scandal

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

'How was my emergency stop?'

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

'I baked it especially for you.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"I can help you - I'm a para-legal."

Another use for retired sumo wrestlers: Roundabout ahead.

Security at the Smaller Airports