Road Safety Satirist Gifts

Roadside Chicken Grill: Speed Limit 80

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

'Philip gets most of his protein from roadkill these days.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Another use for retired sumo wrestlers: Roundabout ahead.

Security at the Smaller Airports

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'I baked it especially for you.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

Driving a Lemon.

Toad roadkill.

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'

Ladder sticker reads, 'Caution: This is not a step.'

'H&S say that turkey skins can be a 'coking risk'...but it's a lot more risky to leave it on the turkey!'

'It doesn't work...'

Handyman painting in a zoo, He is using a snake as a safety rope.