Online Shopping Humorists Gifts

'We can travel across the universe with lightspeed but we will never be able to find shoes on the internet that fits our size.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

Pirate trying on parrots.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Shop signs.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

Great moments in shopping

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'It's you.'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"...There was no such thing as ordering it through the interwebs, or whatever the heck you call it."

Fresh milk - Self service

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".