Old Into New Story Lover Gifts

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Audio Books

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"If she thinks I'm just gonna come running on home, wagging my tail behind me..."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"What did Jesus order?"

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

7 More Dwarfs

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

William Tell

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.