Offbeat Pet Owner Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: wall decoration

Seagiraffes

'Fetch.'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'Super Dog'

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Cat Show

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

Lady taking her Cochin chickens for a walk.

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"Now I'm sure that, at this point, you're wondering HOW I can remove the anal sacs..."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

K9 Literati.

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'He's an octopussy. They're specially bred to catch over 100 mice an hour.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Pet Pony