Novice Performer Gifts

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Mikado

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

Drummer

Tina Turner

Jeff Beck.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Magic Tricks

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

Robbie Williams

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Time for speeches

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

Music

'Verily, we wuz robbed!'

"He's got a great future behind him!"