Novelty Shopper Pillows

"This model has the market's lowest air drag quota!!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Clown on bike.

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Raincloud Umbrella

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

Useless add-ons.

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

Hay Rides $10

Cash Machines From Across the Land

Fossil record player.

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

Mohammad's motors

A crab with a utility knife claw

'What kind of filling would you like?'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.