Novelty Shopper T-Shirts

"This model has the market's lowest air drag quota!!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Clown on bike.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Raincloud Umbrella

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

Hay Rides $10

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Useless add-ons.

Cash Machines From Across the Land

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Fossil record player.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

Mohammad's motors

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

A crab with a utility knife claw

'What kind of filling would you like?'

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"