Novelty Item Seeker T-Shirts

It's the thought that counts: Totally useless gifts.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Raincloud Umbrella

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Useless add-ons.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Mohammad's motors

'What kind of filling would you like?'

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

Goldie Locks and the three beers.

Clock and Watch Shop: Second-Hand Clocks and Minute-Hand Clocks.