Novelty Item Seeker Pillows

It's the thought that counts: Totally useless gifts.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Raincloud Umbrella

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Useless add-ons.

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Mohammad's motors

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'What kind of filling would you like?'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

Toenail clipping missile.

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

Goldie Locks and the three beers.

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.