Nighttime Narrator Gifts

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

'The princess won the lottery and lived even more happily ever after.'

Dog sleepwalking after owner

"'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and Hell itself breathes out contagion to this world."

Bookworm Sleepover

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

Baseball Dreams

Worm Bed

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

"Papi, I heard something!"

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

The End is Night

Sleepwalking Golfer

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

How to save mankind...