Bedtime Narrator Gifts

'Once upon a time there were three people...'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"No. You turn over."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."