Nighttime Narrator T-Shirts

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

'The princess won the lottery and lived even more happily ever after.'

Dog sleepwalking after owner

"'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and Hell itself breathes out contagion to this world."

Bookworm Sleepover

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

Baseball Dreams

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

Worm Bed

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

"Papi, I heard something!"

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

Sleepwalking Golfer

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

'Once upon a time there were three people...'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

How to save mankind...

'Insomnia, eh? -- Drink a glass of warm milk and watch some C-Span.'

'Well, of course you don't have to be afraid of the dark, silly...just the things lurking in it!'