Midnight Storyteller Gifts

It was the call of the wild. Or death. It was getting hard to tell them apart.

"We only got six days of funding."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

"Eat my dust!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

Phoenix

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"Name your sources."

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.