Nighttime Novelist Gifts

The End Of The Story Is Near!

Counting Sheep

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

The DaVinci Code

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Victor Hugo

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Honoré de Balzac

Jean-Paul Sartre

Bookworm Sleepover

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Author does not do tricks."

Gunter Grass

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Sue the Author 3PM

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

Iris Murdoch

George Orwell

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K