Nocturnal Narratives Gifts

'It wasn't the baby's crying that kept me awake last night...it was my husband's.'

Bookworm Sleepover

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Your night writing book, madam.'

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

"And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and two of her friends, I think one was a dude, then we all did Ecstasy, rented a limo, and went to Vegas—but I swear that's all that happened."

"Papi, I heard something!"

Man and bird

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

'The princess won the lottery and lived even more happily ever after.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

Human History

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

'I'm sorry, but I think you should find a new analyst... your dreams are just too boring for me.'

'Well, of course you don't have to be afraid of the dark, silly...just the things lurking in it!'

Why am I always the one to get up at 2 P.M. to change him?I'm just as nocturnal as you are, Clint.

The Monster Under the Bed.

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

Counting Sheep

'It's all very well this 'The early bird catches the Worm' business, but I'm nocturnal...'

'There, you see?... There aren't any humans hiding under your bed.'

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

'It happens every night - just as you're trying to get some sleep,he starts fluttering about'.

"But I'm not even tir..."

Artist and night

"... and then I wake up really thirsty and pour low-fat milk on my husband."