Narrator Of Nightmares Gifts

Human History

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

Barcode Dreams

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

Born of the Dead

'And this is scraps.'

"And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and two of her friends, I think one was a dude, then we all did Ecstasy, rented a limo, and went to Vegas—but I swear that's all that happened."

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

"Papi, I heard something!"

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

'The princess won the lottery and lived even more happily ever after.'

The End is Night

'It was your imagination. There's no little kid under your bed!'

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

Teddy sweeping up zzz

'I'm sorry, but I think you should find a new analyst... your dreams are just too boring for me.'

'...and our work environment offers..well...wonderful horror stories to tell your grandkids.'

The Monster Under the Bed.

Carrie White found a manicurist who makes house calls.

Screamers horror films, "crypt writer"

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'There, you see?... There aren't any humans hiding under your bed.'

"Turns out the sound of the squeaky toy was coming from inside the house."

"In my nightmares I try to cry out but never can."

"... and then I wake up really thirsty and pour low-fat milk on my husband."