Horror Storyteller Gifts

'...and our work environment offers..well...wonderful horror stories to tell your grandkids.'

'And this is scraps.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Edgar Allen Poe

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

A Fairytale Update

Bacchus.

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.