Scary Story Teller Gifts

"No, I'm scarier."

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Edgar Allen Poe

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.