Narrator Of Nightmares T-Shirts

Human History

Barcode Dreams

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

Born of the Dead

'And this is scraps.'

"And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and two of her friends, I think one was a dude, then we all did Ecstasy, rented a limo, and went to Vegas—but I swear that's all that happened."

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

"Papi, I heard something!"

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

'It was your imagination. There's no little kid under your bed!'

'The princess won the lottery and lived even more happily ever after.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

Teddy sweeping up zzz

'I'm sorry, but I think you should find a new analyst... your dreams are just too boring for me.'

'...and our work environment offers..well...wonderful horror stories to tell your grandkids.'

Screamers horror films, "crypt writer"

The Monster Under the Bed.

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'There, you see?... There aren't any humans hiding under your bed.'

"Turns out the sound of the squeaky toy was coming from inside the house."

"In my nightmares I try to cry out but never can."

"... and then I wake up really thirsty and pour low-fat milk on my husband."