Nightclub Security Gifts

What makes you think you'd make a good bouncer?

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Dance.

"The club scene is really changing."

The Stripper

'Mmm … and he's ringing wet too. I just can't resist the smell of a wet dog.'

Shake it like a Polaroid picture...

"The next song is for all you unreconstructed commies, who are still in love with their tractors."

Early Night Club

Cab Calloway Swings

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Dance Dance Dance.

"Do you mind?"

Club insecurity.

Burlyesque

'When you're swimming at night and something gives you a bite, it's a Moray! You think it's a seal but it's really an eel, it's a Moray!'

Rooster DJ scratches records during party.

"I've been dying to hit the dance floor in a crowded nightclub."

'For the last time, how Club Tropicana makes a profit if the drinks are free isn't your problem.'

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

"Now don't let your concentration move from my hands and the cards. . ."

Bouncer.

"Would you like to dance?"

"Telephone call for you, it's the Bank Manager."

What makes you think you'd make a good bouncer? My enthusiasm...I'm prepared to give anything a bash!

'Actually, I'm not looking for a bouncer. I'm looking for somebody to throw customers in.'

Math Lounge

'Over on stage number two is the lovely, succulent, Misty Flatulence!'

'He's here to apply for the bouncer job.'

'Eughh! I've trodden in some celebrity's dog.'

"Statistically speaking, there's got to be at least one woman in there who's looking for the awkward sensitive type."

"Sure her act is legal in a nightclub - but she was doing it in the street."

'Ok Fellas let's see some I.D.'