Nightclub Staff Gifts

What makes you think you'd make a good bouncer? My enthusiasm...I'm prepared to give anything a bash!

'He's here to apply for the bouncer job.'

"And being her agent does pay pretty well. So, what night is wet-t-shirt night anyhow...?"

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Back in 5 minutes!

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Dance.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"Do you take dark money?"

'Once again, I fold.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Beef Stew.