Nightclubs Gifts

"Okay, now that I'm not wearing trainers or jeans can I come in?"

Rooster DJ scratches records during party.

'So - what's your problem?'

"The club scene is really changing."

Bouncers outside nightclub: 'I enjoy the anti-social interaction.'

Math Lounge

"I often mistake a twenty pound note for a membership card."

"And being her agent does pay pretty well. So, what night is wet-t-shirt night anyhow...?"

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

Dave couldn't understand it. That was the loudest Birhtday Burp he'd done all night and the stuck up cow still wasn't interested...

Death Metal Nite.

Dance.

"I'm looking for a dreamboat - not a shipwreck."

'Sorry folks, we've reached our maximum occupancy all of a sudden. I don't know if it's the full moon or what, but they're mutating and multiplying like crazy in there.'

Secret Handshake

Night club has an old man sat in a chill out room.

'Eughh! I've trodden in some celebrity's dog.'

'I'm sorry sir - you have to wear a jacket and tie.'

'When you're swimming at night and something gives you a bite, it's a Moray! You think it's a seal but it's really an eel, it's a Moray!'

'Sorry, but you can't get in without a human.'

"Unfortunately I danced with a girl who danced with a man who was a vicious bastard."

Early Night Club

Dinosaur Extinction, If your name's not down...

"Statistically speaking, there's got to be at least one woman in there who's looking for the awkward sensitive type."

"Do all dance battles end like that?"

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'