News Publisher Gifts

PC and The Web is the wrecking ball.

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Gay Times...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Letters escape from a caged book.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Sue the Author 3PM

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."