Magazine Publisher Gifts

"Anyhow, Mr. Hefner would like you folks to know he really appreciates the gesture!"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Gay Times...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

The Working Woman's Magazine

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Sue the Author 3PM

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Letters escape from a caged book.

Pets.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,