News Producer Gifts

'And this is Editorial, where all the major decisions are made.'

Censures

News crews fight for coverage

'Here's Brad with the news to scare the crap out of you.'

"And now, another news update - updated from the updated news that was updated ten minutes ago..."

"To avoid lawsuits, tonight's news will not name names."

'Harlow hasn't trusted any newscaster since Walter Cronkite.'

Libyan rebels firing into air for TV.

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

'700,000 killed and millions injured... and now, here's Lenny with the lighter side of the news.'

And here is the day's news that we are going shove down your throat.

"No, no, the way you're shifting your papers - it's all wrong."

'We're unable to bring you the special report on the coalminers' strike because of the cameraman's strike.'

'Welcome to 'All Sides of the Issues.' Here's our panel of commentators -- a communist, a socialist, a liberal, and a progressive....'

'HELP! I haven't been on television...'

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'It's a slow news day - how about we just trash Sarah Palin for a while?'

"What we have in mind is reporting 24 hours of disasters each day but you know, upbeat and entertaining."

"Honey, quick! Look at this — CNN is showing actual news!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Squeezing the Free Press.

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Press Freedom

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."