Media Producer Gifts

"And in what could be the biggest development for Hispanics in the history of the United States...hold it...I've just been told Hispanic Heritage Month is officially over. When we come back...hidden cameras in bathrooms! Only on the news at 5!"

'Beware of dog' (with TV camera).

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

Trial by Media

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Lennon and McCartney.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Gay Times...

If nobody had invented graphics

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.